How To Make A Fake Ass

How to make your own Anus-Shaped Male Masturbator

So, you're looking to tap that back door but your partner won't let you!?
So, you are lusting after some hardcore Greek, but you just ain't got the Tzaziki to dip in….

Have no fear! We've got your back (side)

We'll show you how to make an ultra-low-tech male masturbator with an entrance mimicking an anus, with stuff you are most likely to have laying around the house.
Today we will help you MacGyver the most popular sphincter in the human body.

1. The Mise en Place

For this sexy, sloppy, messy build you will need the following materials

• 2 Slithers of Bubblewrap
• Vaseline
• 2 unpowdered rubber gloves
• A Sock (preferably clean and soft)
• A tall plastic Cup
• A condom
• Poster Tack
• Rubber bands
• Some Marbles
• Gaffer Tape
• Scissors
• A Stuffed Pillow

2a. Place the Poster Tack

Place half of the poster tack in the middle of a slither of bubble wrap. Alternatively, you could use some playdoh instead

2b. Add a Couple of Marbles

To create an interesting sensation upon penetration you can add a couple of marbles to flesh out the bubble wrap package.

3. Cut Down to Size

Fold over the bubble wrap, folding the bubble wrap 2 inches above the poster tack. Place the package next to your tall plastic cup and cut off the excess wrapping material.

4. Tape Dat Thang the f00k up!

Seal the edges of the package snuggly with the gaffer tape.

5. Double up

Repeat the previous steps so that you end up with two Marble-stuffed bubble wrap packages of the same size. These two packs will form the core of the phuck-tunnel for your homemade male masturbator.

6. Two Plucks, One Cup

Utilisar las tijeras to cut a hole in the pillow. Grab two claws full of stuffing and put them in the bottom of your cup.
You will need plenty of cushion for the pushin'

7. I Glove it tight

Sandwich one of the latex gloves between the marble-goodness. Make sure the glove extends at least an inch and a half over the top rim of the marble package.

8. El Burrito Sexual

Put both marble packages with the glove inside into the tall cup. Start adding as much stuffing to your Passion Burrito as you deem sexy.
This is your chance to really stuff that hole, even before you drop your pants! Leave enough room to fold the flappy edges of the marble packages over the sides of your fappy-cup.

9. The Funnel of Love

Fold the glove over the edges of the tall cup to hold the marble package and the stuffing inside in place.
If you'd want you could already go all Wanda Jackson on this toy right now and dive deep into the funnel of love,.. but I know you want more out of your low-budget sexperience.
You want to signa that culo! Am I right? Am I right,…  (trying to keep this plastic monstrosity as exotic as I can with my limited amount of Spanish skills)

10. Creating the Sphincter

Cut the sock open at both ends so that you are left with a pipe shape. Do the same to the condom, cutting off a piece so that it matches the length of your sock.
Put the condom inside the sock. Add 2 or three rubber bands around the middle of the sock. Not too tight not to lose. Roll the condom and the sock over on itself, creating a perverted donut with the condom on the outside of it. you must be able to insert three fingers through the hole. if it feels snug, you know ur on the right track. if it feels too loose,.. open the donut up and add a rubber band. Close the donut back up like before when you are done.

11. Through the loophole

Pull your second unpowdered latex glove through the pleasure donut.

12. Mounting Dat Ass

Place the faux-anus over the fap funnel and make sure the glove goes in well.

13. The Rim Job

Add some more stuffing and marbles under the rim of the top glove, to create a texture that is pleasing to you.

14. Lube That Cock Monster up!

So, there you have it. A super messy sticky tight arse-simulator.
I dub it; The Rectal Riot 6000.

Extremely low-tech, extremely yucky, but it gets the job done. Quick and dirty, rough and ready!

The Pro's

• About 4 dollars to make
• Disposable top part
• It'll drain your sack
• Perfect to pester your co-workers with

The Con's

• It feels like a glove with vaseline
• You're fucking a glove with vaseline
• Try getting vaseline out of your pubes without taking a 30-minute bath
• You'll get vaseline on your couch,… I just know you will
• Your roommate or partner will complain about the hole you've cut in their throw pillow.

Our Advice

Do your self a favor. No amount of home built, frugal, 4 dollar male masturbator can hold a candle to a designer sex toy.

Allow yourself the pleasure so many have already discovered and treat yourself to a proper Keon by Kiiroo.

Top tier Sex Tech Scientists from Europe and the US have spent their lives chasing after the perfect Designer Orgasm, and they've achieved it in the form of genuine, body safe interactive pleasure products.

Take a look around our shop to see if you fancy anything in particular!
Sex Toys for men are no longer a taboo. Just enjoy yourself and drift away on the tides of the sex-tech revolution.

How to Make a Male Masturbator

If you are of the frugal persuasion and you like to spice up your fappingz, you have some options available.

Today we will be explaining how to make your own UBER CHEAP male masturbator.
Don't expect it to bring you heavenly delight, but when attacked with enough aggression or a vice grip, you will be able to bust a nut in this super basic Male Masturbator.
Beware! This timeless classic is sure to make your fap-session extra messy!

1. The Mise en Place

You will need:

• A Penis
• A Tub of 1 dollar Vaseline
• At least 6 rubber bands
• An unpowdered Latex Glove
• A Soft towel

You can slightly moisten the towel and put in in the microwave for 15 seconds to warm it up.
But be careful not to use it without testing if it has cooled down enough. You can lick it to see if it is safe for your willy yet.
Remember the golden rule of thumb to never put your penis into anything you are not willing to lick with your tongue.
And obviously, if you are allergic to latex,…. don't use a latex glove.

2. Place the Glove

Place the glove on a towel that has been folded 2 times. Place it in such a fashion that the entrance to the glove is a good inch and a half above where the towel starts.

3. Roll that Thang the f00k up!

Roll the towel firmly around the glove. Don't roll it too tightly, don't roll it too loosely. Check if the glove still sticks out from the top of the towel.

4. Fold back the Glove

Fold the opening of the glove over the rim of the towel. If you have rolled up the towel tight enough, the glove will easily comply.

5. Tighten to your Liking

Use the rubber bands along the length of the shaft to tighten the experience to your liking.
Start with a few at first. After you have penetrated your makeshift male masturbator you can always opt to use more.

6. Lube it up!!

Put a generous amount of vaseline inside your low-end orkish glove sleeve. If you don't like vaseline, and you are willing to fuck up your carpets and furniture, you could use baby oil or vegetable oil.
If you don't mind smelling rancid you could even choose butter or margarine to slick this unsightly beauty up.

You are now ready to pump this amateurish male masturbator until it comes apart

Location Location Location

Here are some nice suggestions on where to stick it for a less conventional experience!

1.The Fridge

If you stick it in the fridge you can dose the amount of pressure in your toy, tightening the DIY f00khole with the slightest of efforts.
If you are into controlled pain, try various speeds of slamming the door shut while inserted into your frugal male masturbator.
If you hurt yourself, you are solely to blame for your misfortune, I mean,.. who slams a door shut on their family jewels just because a degenerate blogger from Amsterdam suggests it.
Seriously,… I can not be held responsible for you wanking like a jackass ;)

2. Doggy Style

Fancy kneeling down? Stick your mega messy sleeve in a desk cabinet or between the pillows of a couch.

3. Collaborative Masturbation

Approach a coworker, roommate or your partner and ask if they are willing to hold the sleeve for you while you thrust away!
Make sure to get consent first! Be kind when you make this indecent proposal because you might get pimp-slapped, nut-punched or roshambo'd for it.

The Pro's and Cons

Pro's
– Extremely Cheap
– It can be dismantled and does not need to be hidden
– Soft and Moist
– Fun to annoy colleagues with

Con's
– Can't hold a candle to a real Male Masturbator
– Extremely messy. You will get vaseline in your pubes.
– Insanely messy. You will drip oil all over your furniture
– Comes apart when pumped too vigorously
– Doesn't feel like a vagina, mouth, rectum or armpit at all.
– You will look extremely silly fucking a glove. That takes away from the immersion when watching teh Smutz0r

Our Advice

If you are done fucking about….. and you are looking to go pro. If you want the real deal. And no half-assed surrogate. If you want to pump and edge, pump and edge and pump and edge some more….
You will need to graduate to a real male masturbator. A high-end Sex Toy for Men. A Male Sex Toy crafted by the elite designers of Kiiroo.
A truly artisanal product from the minds of the Sex Tech visionaries from Amsterdam and Austin.
A toy that can make you erupt in blissful ecstasy. A pleasure product is so good and so sweet that it will cradle your penis into liquid delight!
If you want fully immersive interactive porn, there are only two roads worth exploring...

You need a Keon by Kiiroo

How To Make A Fake Ass

Source: https://www.kiiroo.com/blogs/articles/make-fake-ass-diy-male-sex-toys

Posted by: jamesplethell2001.blogspot.com

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